Monday, July 14, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
it has been such a very long time since i wrote anything... it's amusing that when things are actually happening in life about which people might enjoy reading, i don't have time to write. and then when life is dull and boring, i suddenly turn to the blog, and create an opportunity of boredom for you, the reader. :) so nice of me, isn't it?
it's true though. the last 5 months have been, quite possibly, the busiest of my entire life. it's been stressful and challenging, but they've also been pretty darn good. doesn't look like any of that will change any time soon either. i'm okay with that.
i don't have a job right now because school ended a week ago... wait, let me rephrase that - i don't have a job that pays anything right now. i've been doing a lot of work for next valley youth movement, and i really enjoy it and wish i didn't need money so i could just do things like that all the time.
currently i've been enjoying onerepublic's album, dreaming out loud, the films once and atonement, and the books it came from within by andy stanley and waking the dead by john eldredge.
i wish i could be in a play right now. but i might be going to california for a month... in two weeks... eek. i need something to do. i have no motivation.
it's true though. the last 5 months have been, quite possibly, the busiest of my entire life. it's been stressful and challenging, but they've also been pretty darn good. doesn't look like any of that will change any time soon either. i'm okay with that.
i don't have a job right now because school ended a week ago... wait, let me rephrase that - i don't have a job that pays anything right now. i've been doing a lot of work for next valley youth movement, and i really enjoy it and wish i didn't need money so i could just do things like that all the time.
currently i've been enjoying onerepublic's album, dreaming out loud, the films once and atonement, and the books it came from within by andy stanley and waking the dead by john eldredge.
i wish i could be in a play right now. but i might be going to california for a month... in two weeks... eek. i need something to do. i have no motivation.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
what did i do to deserve this?
i am in such a state of shock that i am having trouble expressing the extreme happiness that i should be feeling. it's been about 7 hours and the excitement is just starting to overcome the disbelief.
i got a guitar today.
my very own guitar...
from the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world... mine.
i can't believe he bought me a freaking guitar. i can't believe that people believe in me that much that they would spend themselves to equip/enable/encourage me to go after a dream. i am speechless. humbled. so thankful.
it's an amazing guitar. i will post pictures as soon as i take some. it was my choice between two - and when i picked this one up to play it, i started writing a song, immediately (no words yet, but they'll come). beautiful.
i know i haven't written anything on this blog for a long time - that's because i have been too busy. perhaps i will update soon on all the busyness, but this was just too good of a thing not to share with the internet. :)
:) < if you could see me - the soft smile, and the way my eyes are shining - you would know how incredible this [he] is.
i got a guitar today.
my very own guitar...
from the most amazing boyfriend in the entire world... mine.
i can't believe he bought me a freaking guitar. i can't believe that people believe in me that much that they would spend themselves to equip/enable/encourage me to go after a dream. i am speechless. humbled. so thankful.
it's an amazing guitar. i will post pictures as soon as i take some. it was my choice between two - and when i picked this one up to play it, i started writing a song, immediately (no words yet, but they'll come). beautiful.
i know i haven't written anything on this blog for a long time - that's because i have been too busy. perhaps i will update soon on all the busyness, but this was just too good of a thing not to share with the internet. :)
:) < if you could see me - the soft smile, and the way my eyes are shining - you would know how incredible this [he] is.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
I FEEL GREAT!!!
aside from being a little bit sore, i feel really good this morning (oh, it's afternoon now). i kinda slept in longer than i should have, but when i finally got out of bed, i felt good... and after having a bit of breakfast with my parents, i felt great... and then i wondered if they had put something in the french toast, because i suddenly felt SO good that i was smiling for no reason and had energy and wanted to accomplish something amazing today.
so i went to curves, and worked out hard. i'm using my mother's membership for a month or so, because she just had surgery and can't do anything. and i love it, because it's making me do something, and i feel better about myself for getting some self-discipline/motivation.
you know what else i love? having someone in my life who encourages me to do more than i believe i can. that sentence doesn't even come close to explaining how good he has been for me. and it's not been easy by any means. and i don't know how long it's going to last. but i am trying to release the past, and only let the future have a minimal impact on how i live in this moment.
but he says things...that just break down walls i've been hiding behind, or at least put a crack in them. like last night, listening to "collide" on the radio: "even the stars refuse to shine" and he said "that's you right there--a star that refuses to shine." and i just stared at him, because i couldn't say anything. because it's true, isn't it?
driving home from curves, i changed the station on the radio and "unwritten" was playing --another song that i know, but never payed much attention to-- but a line caught my ear, and i listened to it, like really listened to it, and let the words wash over me... and i was so energized by it. these lyrics are amazing, and i think, maybe, it's going to be my new theme song for a little while.
so i went to curves, and worked out hard. i'm using my mother's membership for a month or so, because she just had surgery and can't do anything. and i love it, because it's making me do something, and i feel better about myself for getting some self-discipline/motivation.
you know what else i love? having someone in my life who encourages me to do more than i believe i can. that sentence doesn't even come close to explaining how good he has been for me. and it's not been easy by any means. and i don't know how long it's going to last. but i am trying to release the past, and only let the future have a minimal impact on how i live in this moment.
but he says things...that just break down walls i've been hiding behind, or at least put a crack in them. like last night, listening to "collide" on the radio: "even the stars refuse to shine" and he said "that's you right there--a star that refuses to shine." and i just stared at him, because i couldn't say anything. because it's true, isn't it?
driving home from curves, i changed the station on the radio and "unwritten" was playing --another song that i know, but never payed much attention to-- but a line caught my ear, and i listened to it, like really listened to it, and let the words wash over me... and i was so energized by it. these lyrics are amazing, and i think, maybe, it's going to be my new theme song for a little while.
i am unwritten, can't read my mind, i'm undefined
i'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
staring at the blank page before you
open up the dirty window
let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
reaching for something in the distance --so close you can almost taste it!
release your inhibitions!
feel the rain on your skin
no one else can feel it for you
only you can let it in
no one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
today is where your book begins
the rest is still unwritten
i break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
we've been conditioned to not make mistakes --but i can't live that way!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
this is what boredom does to you
1. where was the first place you ever kissed the last person you kissed? on the back porch on the warmest day in january
2. what's the most exciting thing that happened to you today? after my first monologue, walking off stage in the pitch-blackout, "kate" and i had a head-on collision - walked directly into each other as she was entering... both holding glass bottles (which thankfully didn't break) and the tea in her glass spilled all over both of us! the audience gasped. wasn't the best thing that could happen during a show, but it makes a good story.
3. how many best friends do you have? i've had a lot of different "best friends" over the years, but not many of them stuck... recently, it's been the 2-3 friends i have at the current moment end up being called my "best" friends because they are the only friends i see/talk to.
4. would you rather get up early or sleep in? SLEEP IN, although there is a certain excitement about getting up early... if there is a reason for it...
5. can you tell me what you're wearing? my favorite gray t-shirt and comfy gray pants
6. do you have any posters in your bedroom? yes... they are more like pictures i suppose, but purely decorative
7. what would you change about your life right now? my employment status, my location, the way i feel most of the time.
8. would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? cry over the truth.
9. what's on your bedroom floor right now? nothing! i cleaned the other day... and i think i put all the junk from today on my bed :)
10. last person you got into an argument with? probably my mother... but i don't really remember...
11. do you trust people easily? i think it depends what i am trusting them with... (that might mean no...)
12. if you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? redding, california. and then i'd travel the world.
13. do you think your dumb? no, but i think you are for using "your" instead of "you're" in that question.
14. could you go a day without eating? yes.
15. how much do looks matter to you? on a scale from 1-10, probably 6.
16. when was the last time you had your hair cut? in september, i think. after that i couldn't cut it because of the play...
17. does it take a lot to make you cry? not really. i could cry right now if i wanted to.
18. what's the worst car accident you've ever been in? january 2006. i fell asleep at the wheel, crashed into the median (a hill), flipped the car, crashed again. the car was completely totaled, and i barely had a scratch on me.
19. are you close with your mom? i wouldn't say we are distant, but neither are we very close... i love my parents, but i don't talk to them about too many things... trying to change that, but it's a slow process.
20. are you close to your dad? see #19
21. do you tell your parents everything? not even close...
22. would you rather be a bird or a fish? a bird, definitely.
23. if you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive? if it's cold like it is now, i would drive, but if it's a nice day, i love walking.
24. does the thought of marriage scare you? oh dear. yes, a little bit.
25. how many kids do you want? zero. but if i ever changed my mind (which i hope doesn't happen) i would have to have 3 because i think it's not good to be an only child, and i hate the typicalness of having 2 kids, a cat, and a dog. plus, i just like odd numbers more.
26. what's your favorite color to wear? i like black a lot, grey, and also {teal} or some sorts of blues because they bring out my eyes. and i like red shoes.
27. who was the last person in your bedroom besides you? someone in my family... ?
28. what did you do today? went to church, ate lunch, went to my show, performed, went to my grandparents' house for a birthday party, came home, showered, talked on the phone for 3 hours, went to sleep.
29. how was last night? saturday night... what did i do... oh, went out with the cast after the show - it was enjoyable, but i was very tired from waking up so early on saturday morning.
30. do you get bored easily? if i'm not doing anything, yes.
31. what's something that really bothers you? religion.
32. did you ever want to change your name when you were younger? yeah, but i could never decide what to change it to... now i don't want to change it at all, not even if i get married.
33. do you wish you were famous? sometimes. not because i really care about fame, but because it might mean that i was making a living doing something i loved - like acting or singing or whatever...
34. could you live without your mobile? probably. you know, vince vaughn doesn't have a cell phone... if he can do it, i'm sure i could. not many people call me anyways.
35. who's the last text message you received from and what did it say? brad. it said something about praying for lee.
36. how do you like your steak cooked? medium.
37. what's your favorite song at the moment? "it's beautiful" by eleventyseven, "love song" by sara bareilles, "stronger" by kanye west, "the best thing" by relient k...
38. can music affect your mood? absolutely.
39. what piercings do you want? i would love to get my lip pierced, but i don't think that's gonna happen...
40. what tattoos do you want? if i lived in a world without pain, i would tattoo some hebrew on my hand, a star of david on my wrist, and some greek on my back...
41. have you ever been in a cave? ...i think so... i have a faint recollection of the feeling of being inside a cave, but i'm not sure if it's real or not. i would like to go in a cave, now that i am thinking about it.
42. have you ever eaten a bug? ugh. no. at least, not to my knowledge.
42. do you think there's someone for everyone? probably.
43. if you could change one thing right now what would it be? i would have large amounts of money at my disposal, or a new computer... or maybe a job that i loved.
44. when was the last time you screamed? i yell a lot in the play, but the last time i can remember just screaming just to scream was the week after christmas, sitting in a car, in the church parking lot... it's such a good release.
45. when was the last time you cried? i don't remember... probably a couple weeks ago... although i have teared up in church the past couple weeks.
46. how do you feel right now? tired & pensive...
2. what's the most exciting thing that happened to you today? after my first monologue, walking off stage in the pitch-blackout, "kate" and i had a head-on collision - walked directly into each other as she was entering... both holding glass bottles (which thankfully didn't break) and the tea in her glass spilled all over both of us! the audience gasped. wasn't the best thing that could happen during a show, but it makes a good story.
3. how many best friends do you have? i've had a lot of different "best friends" over the years, but not many of them stuck... recently, it's been the 2-3 friends i have at the current moment end up being called my "best" friends because they are the only friends i see/talk to.
4. would you rather get up early or sleep in? SLEEP IN, although there is a certain excitement about getting up early... if there is a reason for it...
5. can you tell me what you're wearing? my favorite gray t-shirt and comfy gray pants
6. do you have any posters in your bedroom? yes... they are more like pictures i suppose, but purely decorative
7. what would you change about your life right now? my employment status, my location, the way i feel most of the time.
8. would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? cry over the truth.
9. what's on your bedroom floor right now? nothing! i cleaned the other day... and i think i put all the junk from today on my bed :)
10. last person you got into an argument with? probably my mother... but i don't really remember...
11. do you trust people easily? i think it depends what i am trusting them with... (that might mean no...)
12. if you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? redding, california. and then i'd travel the world.
13. do you think your dumb? no, but i think you are for using "your" instead of "you're" in that question.
14. could you go a day without eating? yes.
15. how much do looks matter to you? on a scale from 1-10, probably 6.
16. when was the last time you had your hair cut? in september, i think. after that i couldn't cut it because of the play...
17. does it take a lot to make you cry? not really. i could cry right now if i wanted to.
18. what's the worst car accident you've ever been in? january 2006. i fell asleep at the wheel, crashed into the median (a hill), flipped the car, crashed again. the car was completely totaled, and i barely had a scratch on me.
19. are you close with your mom? i wouldn't say we are distant, but neither are we very close... i love my parents, but i don't talk to them about too many things... trying to change that, but it's a slow process.
20. are you close to your dad? see #19
21. do you tell your parents everything? not even close...
22. would you rather be a bird or a fish? a bird, definitely.
23. if you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive? if it's cold like it is now, i would drive, but if it's a nice day, i love walking.
24. does the thought of marriage scare you? oh dear. yes, a little bit.
25. how many kids do you want? zero. but if i ever changed my mind (which i hope doesn't happen) i would have to have 3 because i think it's not good to be an only child, and i hate the typicalness of having 2 kids, a cat, and a dog. plus, i just like odd numbers more.
26. what's your favorite color to wear? i like black a lot, grey, and also {teal} or some sorts of blues because they bring out my eyes. and i like red shoes.
27. who was the last person in your bedroom besides you? someone in my family... ?
28. what did you do today? went to church, ate lunch, went to my show, performed, went to my grandparents' house for a birthday party, came home, showered, talked on the phone for 3 hours, went to sleep.
29. how was last night? saturday night... what did i do... oh, went out with the cast after the show - it was enjoyable, but i was very tired from waking up so early on saturday morning.
30. do you get bored easily? if i'm not doing anything, yes.
31. what's something that really bothers you? religion.
32. did you ever want to change your name when you were younger? yeah, but i could never decide what to change it to... now i don't want to change it at all, not even if i get married.
33. do you wish you were famous? sometimes. not because i really care about fame, but because it might mean that i was making a living doing something i loved - like acting or singing or whatever...
34. could you live without your mobile? probably. you know, vince vaughn doesn't have a cell phone... if he can do it, i'm sure i could. not many people call me anyways.
35. who's the last text message you received from and what did it say? brad. it said something about praying for lee.
36. how do you like your steak cooked? medium.
37. what's your favorite song at the moment? "it's beautiful" by eleventyseven, "love song" by sara bareilles, "stronger" by kanye west, "the best thing" by relient k...
38. can music affect your mood? absolutely.
39. what piercings do you want? i would love to get my lip pierced, but i don't think that's gonna happen...
40. what tattoos do you want? if i lived in a world without pain, i would tattoo some hebrew on my hand, a star of david on my wrist, and some greek on my back...
41. have you ever been in a cave? ...i think so... i have a faint recollection of the feeling of being inside a cave, but i'm not sure if it's real or not. i would like to go in a cave, now that i am thinking about it.
42. have you ever eaten a bug? ugh. no. at least, not to my knowledge.
42. do you think there's someone for everyone? probably.
43. if you could change one thing right now what would it be? i would have large amounts of money at my disposal, or a new computer... or maybe a job that i loved.
44. when was the last time you screamed? i yell a lot in the play, but the last time i can remember just screaming just to scream was the week after christmas, sitting in a car, in the church parking lot... it's such a good release.
45. when was the last time you cried? i don't remember... probably a couple weeks ago... although i have teared up in church the past couple weeks.
46. how do you feel right now? tired & pensive...
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