across the universe

the only good thing about me going to play at grove city last night is that, by some random act of fate, a boy named adam black, a freshman at gcc - from england (how did that happen?) - played after me. trained in classical guitar, needless to say, brilliant, and his songs... were amazing to me. you could check out his myspace, but it really doesn't compare. the only negative was that he didn't really have an accent.
my performance wasn't nearly as good, but i don't want to discuss it... i was completely off. i felt like crap. i don't know what to say. i disappointed myself, and i don't really want to play music anymore. there are others who can do it better. end of discussion.
i stayed talking with j until 1am last night, which was nice, to have a friend again. but i didn't get home til 2... and slept til noon today. and then i went out. i had to go out. i couldn't spend another day sitting in my house. i went to borders because i thought maybe they would have a book i've had a desire to read. emily of new moon, etc. i know, it's somewhat of a kid's book. i've read it before, of course, (at age 12 most likely) - it's actually a series of 3 books and the library used to have them, but doesn't anymore. nowhere does. and i want to read them. i don't know why, sometimes you just need to reread books that meant something to you. and they did... emily was a writer, and her best friend were an actress and musician... they were all creative and it was lovely. and i just wanted to escape into a simple world in which things work out. but borders didn't have them. so i went to a movie instead.
i thought it might be a weird thing to go to the movie theatre alone. but this is my life. and i needed this film. so in i went, to the very last theater room in the building, to see across the universe. it was well worth it. plus i didn't feel so bad about being alone because there was only one other person in the theater - an older woman. the film was absolutely brilliant - a little trippy, but that is to be expected. if you haven't heard of it, it is the "story behind the beatles' songs," centered around jude and lucy. and if that doesn't make sense or you don't know the beatles, then i cannot help you. in fact, probably no one can. reminded me a bit of moulin rouge, perhaps because of the weirdness and the singing and the love story, perhaps because jim sturgess' voice was reminiscent of ewan macgregor's, especially at the very beginning. i loved him though (jim sturgess aka "jude") ...but why are all the actors i like named james? (except for edward norton... but i like him because i think he's a great actor, not because i find him attractive...)
anyway.
so when my sister found out that i had gone to see across the universe today, I found out that she went to see it last weekend with her friend kt. "but i was still going to go with you" she said, after giving me a look that said "you're pathetic because you went to the movies alone." what a great sister. i mean, really. but i'm past being upset... i'm just hurt. and i don't understand why my family seems to disdain me even more than... well, there really is no one else, so there's nothing left to say here. i'm done.