nothing better to do but tell the unconcerned public about my life

hmm.

many thoughts swirl through the mind. why was i going to write a blog post/ ......my shift keys are broken. so are the ctrl keys. i'm not sure what happened. this presents a problem in many ways. first, it prohibits me from asking questions, expressing excitement, telling you what someone else said, abbreviating the word 'and', using proper nouns, making parenthetical statements, smiling... second, which just occurred to me, i may not be able to log on to my computer. you know, press ctrl alt delete to log on... if ctrl doesn't work, what will i do - wait, that was a question, rephrase - i don't know what i will do.

parenthetical statement - i used to think that 'ctrl' stood for 'central' rather than 'control'. don't ask me why. it just seemed logical. no one ever told me what it meant... they just expect you to know. why do they have to abbreviate it anyway - they write out the word 'delete'. maybe there's a 6-character limit on what can go on computer keys. - end thought

i've remembered why i came.

it's homecoming week at grove city college. i shall be attending the campus festivities this saturday, although, ironically enough, probably won't be at the football game. i'm excited to spend some time with my sorority sisters/old suitemates; however, there are a few things that cause a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when i think of the coming weekend... the main thing = actually being back on campus. this may sound strange to some, i.e., those who thoroughly enjoyed their college experience. i am not one of those, and it is creates a slight disturbance to think of intentionally placing myself back in the setting of the worst four years of my existence. meaning, i feel like puking.

it's not really as awful as i make it sound... i'm sure i'll be fine, i'm sure i'll have fun. it's just that painful memories have an annoying habit of coming up when you don't want them to... and i'd rather not be around things that are most certainly going to trigger those thoughts. surely you understand what i mean.

i won't bother myself about it too much after writing this. i discovered some wonderful new music last night. ian mcintosh. i have been listening to such beauty and awakened all day, and trying to figure out the piano. if i could write beautiful things like that... oh, how i want to write. but i am having trouble knowing how to express my current state of being. of course, it doesn't help that i go for weeks without playing.

speaking of music and grove city college... i'm probably going to do a show there sometime soon. perhaps in a couple weeks. i'm sure you will want to come and hear me sing. i do wish i had a band...

i think i've reached a crossroads. i think i've been standing at it for a while, ignoring the fact that i need to choose a direction. nevertheless, here i am... and there are many roads before me... the decision is difficult simply because i do not know what all the roads are. no, i don't mean, where do they lead - that cannot be known. but what are the options... what do i want to pursue... of that i remain uncertain, as my hesitation to choose a path demonstrates clearly.

i think that's enough for today. if i get some comments, it might encourage me to write more. blogging has been something i do mostly to relieve boredom, or to distract me from a task at hand. today it is the former. i think i'll go play piano now...