i'm angry.
my sister gave me every impression that today, after i picked her up from class, we would go to see across the universe, which was recommended very highly to me. i was very much looking forward to this - it's been a loong time since i've been to the movie theatre. i saw harry potter and the order of the phoenix in july... and before that i cannot recall being to the movies since december last. also, i enjoy spending time with my sister, and lately she has been very moody and avoidant. i was looking forward to being able to have fun with her since she mostly stays in her room, and answers rudely when i try to speak to her. now, i know that sometimes i am not very kind to her either, but it's been weeks... and i don't have any other friends. for some reason she seems to resent me for not having a life - she frequently chastises me about getting a job, and why don't i go make some friends, and get a boyfriend to take me out. she's 18, and meets all three of those criteria. i meet none. needless to say, i don't need reminding of my lack of a valid existence, and certainly not by my little sister. what i need - - what i need, is a friend. or serious psychological help. she would probably agree with the latter.
i'm alone.
and i desperately desire companionship. that doesn't mean i'm desperate, nor would i act in a desperate fashion in order to gain a companion. i won't join eharmony, i won't go pick up a guy in a bar... oh, it's not even that i really need a male companion (i.e., boyfriend), but the lack of friends of either gender is making the "significant other" void more keenly felt. that, and i watched the holiday a few times last weekend... and, as much as i try not to be a hopeless romantic idealist, i'm tired of the only contact with men i have being someone 4 years younger than me, or someone i can only talk to online, or... my father.
gah! i'm frustrated with myself for even feeling all this. but there you have it - i'm angry. i'm alone. but soon, the anger will subside and i will be left simply... alone.
3 comments:
Mrrrr. Gonna be in Youngstown the first week of November... possible interestingness? Anti-lonely-cousin-ness? Possibly?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WOMAN! I'm always your friend and cousin! :)
kristen -
oh, seriously, i know! but must i mention you in every post i write about my lack of friends? you're only one person, and since on most nights you are otherwise engaged, i am, in fact, alone more than not.
not to say that i don't appreciate you immensely. i would be utterly lost without you. cousins are forever a blessing from God.
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