this is what boredom does to you

1. where was the first place you ever kissed the last person you kissed? on the back porch on the warmest day in january
2. what's the most exciting thing that happened to you today? after my first monologue, walking off stage in the pitch-blackout, "kate" and i had a head-on collision - walked directly into each other as she was entering... both holding glass bottles (which thankfully didn't break) and the tea in her glass spilled all over both of us! the audience gasped. wasn't the best thing that could happen during a show, but it makes a good story.
3. how many best friends do you have? i've had a lot of different "best friends" over the years, but not many of them stuck... recently, it's been the 2-3 friends i have at the current moment end up being called my "best" friends because they are the only friends i see/talk to.
4. would you rather get up early or sleep in? SLEEP IN, although there is a certain excitement about getting up early... if there is a reason for it...
5. can you tell me what you're wearing? my favorite gray t-shirt and comfy gray pants
6. do you have any posters in your bedroom? yes... they are more like pictures i suppose, but purely decorative
7. what would you change about your life right now? my employment status, my location, the way i feel most of the time.
8. would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? cry over the truth.
9. what's on your bedroom floor right now? nothing! i cleaned the other day... and i think i put all the junk from today on my bed :)
10. last person you got into an argument with? probably my mother... but i don't really remember...
11. do you trust people easily? i think it depends what i am trusting them with... (that might mean no...)
12. if you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? redding, california. and then i'd travel the world.
13. do you think your dumb? no, but i think you are for using "your" instead of "you're" in that question.
14. could you go a day without eating? yes.
15. how much do looks matter to you? on a scale from 1-10, probably 6.
16. when was the last time you had your hair cut? in september, i think. after that i couldn't cut it because of the play...
17. does it take a lot to make you cry? not really. i could cry right now if i wanted to.
18. what's the worst car accident you've ever been in? january 2006. i fell asleep at the wheel, crashed into the median (a hill), flipped the car, crashed again. the car was completely totaled, and i barely had a scratch on me.
19. are you close with your mom? i wouldn't say we are distant, but neither are we very close... i love my parents, but i don't talk to them about too many things... trying to change that, but it's a slow process.
20. are you close to your dad? see #19
21. do you tell your parents everything? not even close...
22. would you rather be a bird or a fish? a bird, definitely.
23. if you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive? if it's cold like it is now, i would drive, but if it's a nice day, i love walking.
24. does the thought of marriage scare you? oh dear. yes, a little bit.
25. how many kids do you want? zero. but if i ever changed my mind (which i hope doesn't happen) i would have to have 3 because i think it's not good to be an only child, and i hate the typicalness of having 2 kids, a cat, and a dog. plus, i just like odd numbers more.
26. what's your favorite color to wear? i like black a lot, grey, and also {teal} or some sorts of blues because they bring out my eyes. and i like red shoes.
27. who was the last person in your bedroom besides you? someone in my family... ?
28. what did you do today? went to church, ate lunch, went to my show, performed, went to my grandparents' house for a birthday party, came home, showered, talked on the phone for 3 hours, went to sleep.
29. how was last night? saturday night... what did i do... oh, went out with the cast after the show - it was enjoyable, but i was very tired from waking up so early on saturday morning.
30. do you get bored easily? if i'm not doing anything, yes.
31. what's something that really bothers you? religion.
32. did you ever want to change your name when you were younger? yeah, but i could never decide what to change it to... now i don't want to change it at all, not even if i get married.
33. do you wish you were famous? sometimes. not because i really care about fame, but because it might mean that i was making a living doing something i loved - like acting or singing or whatever...
34. could you live without your mobile? probably. you know, vince vaughn doesn't have a cell phone... if he can do it, i'm sure i could. not many people call me anyways.
35. who's the last text message you received from and what did it say? brad. it said something about praying for lee.
36. how do you like your steak cooked? medium.
37. what's your favorite song at the moment? "it's beautiful" by eleventyseven, "love song" by sara bareilles, "stronger" by kanye west, "the best thing" by relient k...
38. can music affect your mood? absolutely.
39. what piercings do you want? i would love to get my lip pierced, but i don't think that's gonna happen...
40. what tattoos do you want? if i lived in a world without pain, i would tattoo some hebrew on my hand, a star of david on my wrist, and some greek on my back...
41. have you ever been in a cave? ...i think so... i have a faint recollection of the feeling of being inside a cave, but i'm not sure if it's real or not. i would like to go in a cave, now that i am thinking about it.
42. have you ever eaten a bug? ugh. no. at least, not to my knowledge.
42. do you think there's someone for everyone? probably.
43. if you could change one thing right now what would it be? i would have large amounts of money at my disposal, or a new computer... or maybe a job that i loved.
44. when was the last time you screamed? i yell a lot in the play, but the last time i can remember just screaming just to scream was the week after christmas, sitting in a car, in the church parking lot... it's such a good release.
45. when was the last time you cried? i don't remember... probably a couple weeks ago... although i have teared up in church the past couple weeks.
46. how do you feel right now? tired & pensive...

"i'm sybil..."

you have to realize that i am not an arrogant person. i'm not cocky. i don't usually think i'm better than other people. in fact, sometimes i think quite the opposite, which is actually a form of pride because you're still thinking more about yourself than you should... humility doesn't equal self-deprecation - it's having the correct/honest/accurate/truthful view of yourself. arrogance is bad, but confidence is good. and knowing who you are and what you're cabable of is even better. so, it is with the utmost humility that i say, I ROCK. :) just kidding. but seriously, i'm saying all this because i want to tell you about the newspapers' review of The Cover of Life > it was wonderful!! and i'm so genuinely honored and excited by what they said about my performance. i don't do any of this for 'fame' or to get people to flatter me - i do it because i love it, and i hope that i'm good and that i can impact people's emotions or lives through my performance. anyway, oh, can i please share this? it makes me so happy...

"Stephanie DeChant is exceptional as the third wife, Sybil, a 'modern' Southern belle who chafes at the small-town ways of her colleagues. DeChant is absolutely volatile in this fiery role, steaming up the stage in one interlude and boiling over with rage in another." (Vindicator)

"DeChant also is incredible... She has an amazing stage presence and brings a sexiness with her every time she makes an entrance." (Tribune Chronicle)

mm! who knew, right? i'm exceptionally sexy and volatile... :) yeah, i know you wish you had a piece of this hottness. i think saturday night was my best overall performance so far, which is funny because that night i was the most nervous. the reviews were done on friday night. and today at the matinee this little old lady told me i could be on broadway. haha... anyway, opening weekend went well, and now i get a little 2 day break before our wednesday package house (which happens to be on my birthday) and i'm excited because i washed my hair and it feels so nice. (i didn't wash it for 4 days because of the 40s style... kinda like method acting, i guess!) you've got 2 more weekends to come see this play, and tell me if what the reviewers said is true or not!
Love, Your Sexy Baby

letting go

we had an "exaggeration rehearsal" tonight for the play, during which we were encouraged to exaggerate our characters/emotions to the extremes in order to take us an extra step deeper and let us have a good time at our last rehearsal (we were getting kind of bored performing for no audience, but tomorrow night that changes!). you know, let loose! don't hold back! as i found myself pondering this concept last night, i realized that i do indeed "hold back" in expressing myself... and not only as Sybil...

almost as if there was an unconscious stream of discouragement saying: don't speak up. don't say what you think. don't do that! people will think you're weird and awkward. don't be yourself. you are weird and awkward. don't dance. don't sing. don't let go. don't let yourself feel that. you aren't good enough for that. don't tell him that. don't give yourself a chance. don't laugh. don't cry. don't ask. and definitely don't fall in love.

WHY?

i get frustrated, thinking about this. why can't i just be myself? why can't i let go of the past? let go of fear? just LET GO (in the sense of releasing of things i've held onto and also to stop restraining myself from doing/saying/being what i want to). it's weird because there are times when i do feel confident, and feel good about who i am. i'm unique. people like me. it's not like i'm completely insecure... only a little... sometimes... :( ugh! and i hate it! and i hate that i'm always with these people who have strong/outgoing personalities (note: i don't hate the people, i love them*, obviously, or they wouldn't be my best friends) and when we're alone it's fine, but when i'm around other people with them i shrink. it's easy. i just step back and stay in their shadow, which in certain situations is okay, but usually it is not. because it makes me feel... insignificant, out of place... and i'm not blaming the others at all... i'm blaming myself - for not knowing or liking or being who i am, for not engaging other people, for letting myself disappear. i know i'll never have a dominant personality, and i don't want to... i just want to be me, and not feel so damn uncomfortable about it. sorry. sorry for this emotional vomit i just spewed all over the blogosphere. it's not really as big a deal as it sounds in this paragraph. i'm just expressing myself. i'm letting go, right? that's what i need to do more.

rehearsal actually went very well. i found that listening to dirty rap and dancing around my room really helps me loosen up and feel good... sexy. which was how i needed to feel to rock Sybil. ha! i've got a playlist of songs like stronger, guaya guaya, cyclone, yeah, don'tcha, buttons that i'm so going to listen to before every show while i shoot up caffeine. lol. it's gonna be hotttttt. ......i feel like this is borderline inappropriate to be writing for anyone to read. oh well! i'm not really being too serious. but it is hard to be sexy on stage when you don't feel like you are. why/how i get roles like this astounds me... maybe i've got something that i just don't see.

"...so let go all of your mixed emotions

forget all your hesitations..."

this post went a lot differently than i thought it would in my mind, but i'm gonna choose to let it go and not worry about how my blog isn't as philosophical or thought-provoking as i would like. who cares? .i'm such a paradox. it's ok to laugh at me. i'm laughing at myself. because, really, even with all these semi-distressing thoughts flitting through my mind, i'm happier than i've been for a while, and at least i'm dealing with things, thinking them out, and progressing instead of just bottling it up inside. i want to let go... and i will... nike. just do it. right?

*except one

how am i supposed to tell you how i feel...

...i need oxygen...














that's all i've got right now. ::sigh:: for real. ::slow smile::

"The boys like me as a pal but I don't believe any one will ever really fall in love with me." "Nonsense," said Emily reassuringly. "Nine out of ten men will fall in love with you." "But it will be the tenth I'll want," persisted Ilse gloomily.
-- Emily Climbs, l.m. montgomery

i am simply wild to read the "emily" books! i am so close to just buying them on amazon myself... but perhaps someone will give them to me as a birthday present (hint, hint). it is my birthday in twelve days. i think it would be lovely to have a birthday party, but whom would i invite? i don't think i've celebrated my birthday with more than 2 or 3 friends since i turned 10 (excepting that surprise sixteenth birthday party). of course, we always have a family party, but those, too, have gotten less exciting over the last ten years. anyway, i'm going to be pretty old this year... and i'll have performances on and surrounding the day of my birth, which doesn't leave much time for planning or celebrating.

the cover of life opens in ONE WEEK. i am only freaking out because I AM SICK. yes, it's true. for no good reason, i have contracted what seems to be a cold. i would love to blame it on my boyfriend... but i don't have one. i remember my college roommate coming back from break, coughing or sniffling or what-have-you, saying, "yeah... dean was sick..." and it sounded so worth it.

oh, johnny. i'm so lonesome.