sweet darlin'

this is my confession

to the crimes of wanting you

badly.

and darlin' if you're wondering

here's your answer:

yes, i like you

i don't love you...

i can't love you...

yet.

between the trees has some great songs. give them a listen.

I FEEL GREAT!!!

aside from being a little bit sore, i feel really good this morning (oh, it's afternoon now). i kinda slept in longer than i should have, but when i finally got out of bed, i felt good... and after having a bit of breakfast with my parents, i felt great... and then i wondered if they had put something in the french toast, because i suddenly felt SO good that i was smiling for no reason and had energy and wanted to accomplish something amazing today.

so i went to curves, and worked out hard. i'm using my mother's membership for a month or so, because she just had surgery and can't do anything. and i love it, because it's making me do something, and i feel better about myself for getting some self-discipline/motivation.

you know what else i love? having someone in my life who encourages me to do more than i believe i can. that sentence doesn't even come close to explaining how good he has been for me. and it's not been easy by any means. and i don't know how long it's going to last. but i am trying to release the past, and only let the future have a minimal impact on how i live in this moment.
but he says things...that just break down walls i've been hiding behind, or at least put a crack in them. like last night, listening to "collide" on the radio: "even the stars refuse to shine" and he said "that's you right there--a star that refuses to shine." and i just stared at him, because i couldn't say anything. because it's true, isn't it?

driving home from curves, i changed the station on the radio and "unwritten" was playing --another song that i know, but never payed much attention to-- but a line caught my ear, and i listened to it, like really listened to it, and let the words wash over me... and i was so energized by it. these lyrics are amazing, and i think, maybe, it's going to be my new theme song for a little while.

i am unwritten, can't read my mind, i'm undefined

i'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

staring at the blank page before you

open up the dirty window

let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

reaching for something in the distance --so close you can almost taste it!

release your inhibitions!

feel the rain on your skin

no one else can feel it for you

only you can let it in

no one else, no one else

can speak the words on your lips

drench yourself in words unspoken

live your life with arms wide open

today is where your book begins

the rest is still unwritten

i break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

we've been conditioned to not make mistakes --but i can't live that way!